Becoming a mother is in itself a new experience, but to go from what you used to be or have (time) many mothers have a hard time adjusting to the new norm. I want you to know that most mothers if not all go through what is called a grieving process. With any circumstance in your life, WE must grieve in order to push forward into our next destination, I myself actually took a very long time to process the new me. I also had to process how to adjust and learn self care to maintain a healthy lifestyle with and without my children. I am here today to let EVERY women know that IT IS OK to grieve.
Grief does not follow any timelines or schedules….. You may feel empty inside, cry silently or even out loud, look into the mirror and not see who that person is, you may even feel anger. According to www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief There are 5 stages of grief:
- Denial
- Anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance
You will not experience this all at once, nor in the same order, you could remain in a stage for months or go through all stages. Grief is and can be very overwhelming! The state of denial is a common defense mechanism to help numb the intensity of the situation.
Anger can be directed to others around you such as your children or friends and family, your feelings are too intense and you should take a step back and calm don, be more aware.
Bargaining is where you are felling helpless or vulnerable and you are trying to regain that control you once had. You will find yourself thinking “what if”, to try to get some relief. If only I had waited till I was married I would not be in this situation.
Depression is more of the quiet stage, you are overthinking things, you may choose to isolate yourself and just cry, you don’t know what to do at this point and feel its best to just do nothing.
Acceptance does not have to be a happy time, but more of a time of really understanding that whatever it is, that this situation is OK and you have finally accepted what ever the situation is at hand ( in our case our new bodies, being a new mom etc).
It is a huge adjustment and change in our lives as women and we must stick together, help each other and be honest with one another and express those concerns, so that we know that it is normal to feel this way and get advice on how to process the change. The question most moms wonder is where is the “old” me! I’m here to let you know that there is no such thing as a old you, you are now in another stage of your life and you too can still be who you are (with your children in mind). We have to realize that it is OK to move forward and the women you once was is now even more amazing.
Do not lose yourself in what “is normal”, but instead reconnect in a different way, allow others to help you and to support you. This is a battle of your inner self and there is no need to go over war because you are still you. Many women such as myself grieve at different times in their lives. As a new single mother with two children, I grieve not knowing how I will navigate the new norm for myself and the children. When I need that time to be “Ariel”, I am reminded that the children always comes first, but don’t fret this is where your support system comes in!!
I like to say that I have the best support system ever. I allow myself and others to help me through my time in need. Women I urge you to build a community, set your appointments aside for yourself and STILL be who you are, whether you love to try new foods, get your nails done or enjoy going to a day party ( side bar… This is my favorite thing to do as a mom). Embrace those new curves, if you feel like you need to lose weight do so. I myself after each pregnancy wait until 12 months to start my weight loss journey because I recognize the pressure I put on myself in the beginning not realizing that it took me nine months to get this size and some mothers just don’t snap back.
Ladies you are ALLOWED to grieve!!! DON’T just try and be a MOM or a wife. What you used to do, how you used to look is in the past and focus on continuing to grow and embrace all you have, after all you are still alive. Not one person will judge you, this is a judgement free zone for women. There is no time limit to grieving, but the key is to ACKNOWLEDGE what you are feeling.
There are also some women who are not grieving because some women has always waned to gain weight. Find new things about your body or self and know that whatever you are thinking you are still amazing and beautiful.
You can always get support from www.beautyofmotherhood.org
We can start a private Group to help eachother love on who we are now and knwo that #yoyarethebom and #youdeservetheworld
#support #loveourself #beyou
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